Before and After Kids
Before Kids-You spend your time engaged in intellectually stimulating conversations
with your colleagues.
After Kids-Conversation? What’s that? Nowadays, you spend your time trying to persuade your child to stop picking his nose in public.
Before Kids-You slip lipstick and a credit card into a sleek handbag on your way out to the mall.
After Kids-You stuff diapers, wipes, animal crackers, sippy cups, band-aids, coloring books, crayons, Thomas the Tank Engine, and a bottle of aspirin into your diaper bag on your way out to the playground.
Before Kids-The kitchen floor is so clean you can eat off it.
After Kids-You can eat off the kitchen floor because there’s food all over it.
Before Kids-You and your husband consistently enjoy hot sex.
After Kids-You and your husband occasionally enjoy a hot meal.
Before Kids-You coordinate the perfect outfit to wear for a night out dancing.
After Kids-You grab something out of the laundry basket and pray that no one at the puppet show will notice the breast milk stain.
Before Kids-You save money to treat yourself to a Kate Spade handbag.
After Kids– You save money to treat your son to a Spongebob backpack.
Before Kids-You dine on low calorie, low-fat lunches at trendy new restaurants.
After Kids-You wolf down someone’s leftover pizza and cake at a Chuck E. Cheese’s.
Before Kids-You can easily finish a great book.
After Kids-You’re barely able to finish a simple thought.
Before Kids– Your idea of bliss is being with the love of your life.